I think I know what Heaven is. I think I know where Heaven is...
When I play music I go to this place far, far away that is so different from the world we live in. It's a peaceful place, a place to lay all my burdens down, and whatever is weighing on me. Sometimes I have to pick it all up when I leave, and carry it back, but for a few minutes I get to rest, and relax my aching shoulders, from carrying around my troubles.
When I am feeling good I can go there as well. I can take the happy feeling and it is expanded, and filled to overflowing. Whenever I go to that place far away I always feel at peace, and safe. It's the only place where 100% of the time I can be myself. How many places can we say that about? How many people can we always be ourselves around all the time? Sure there will be times when we spill it all out and share our dreams, our hopes, and our fears, but then there will be the times we simply can't say what it is we want to say.
That place far, far away is not an easy place to get to. It's taken me a long time to be able to focus enough when I am playing, not on the notes, or tones, or scales, but to dig deeper into the soul and passion of the music, and to be a vessel; for on that vessel I go to that place. It is always a fleeting stay. Sometimes it can be a few seconds. A light from a scaffold 100 feet above the stage will hit my guitar and it casts this glow that seems to encapture the aura of the song, and I am taken there. Sometimes a note sparks a memory and with eyes closed, or eyes fixed in a far away stare, off above the crowd I set sail.
Sometimes it seems like that place is there only to be gone, and then other days it seems to last forever. There are times when it is like I sit down at a table with all my troubles, all my fears, all my dreams, with God, and it's all love, and not so much confusion. I sit there and talk, and they listen. Sometimes they talk and I listen. It's not like a physical dialogue with words, because words have limits, but it is a communication of heart and soul, and of the eternal. It is a communication of love and despair, of pain and sorrow, and of laughter and joy. Sometimes it is that presence that says 'everything is going to be alright'.
When I go to that place far, far away, I come back a little bit more whole. I come back stronger. It doesn't mean that my problems are gone, or that all the bad days are no more, it just means that, for me, there is a place of absolute contentment. I imagine it is what it's like when a painter sits down to paint a mountain, with streams running down to a lake, dirt paths that crisscross the forest trees, every stroke of the brush opening up more of this new vista, and that painter is able to climb in, and get lost in their new creation. I imagine it's like someone who is so deep into Yoga, and whose body is so focused, that they can lose themselves in the postures, shutting out the world around them, and reaching a state of pure nirvana. I imagine it's like a person lost in a prayer, beside a candle, for the one they love, and in that moment they are somewhere else, somewhere far beyond the skies, and that somehow in the midst of all the pain or worry they might feel, that they find peace.
I don't know for certain, but I think Heaven is that place, not necessarily a physical place, but a state of mind. I've been there, and I hope that one day, when we pass on, that we go to that place, only this time we don't have to leave. So if you see me on stage and I seem lost, it's because I am probably in a place far, far away. If you watch me as I hold a note, and a rush of emotion seems to hit you, and the hairs on your arms and legs stand up, then it's probably because I have been taken to Heaven, and you've come along as well.
If you are reading this and have never been to that place far away, it is there waiting for you. I honestly and truly believe we have all been given access to this place. Some find it through music, others running marathons, some find it fixing a car, or working with numbers, the list goes on and on. If you have struggles, and we all do, go there, sit down, and let it all out. Find your vessel. Find it and you find peace. Your path to Heaven is there, and when you find it, you will be there in no time. Speaking of time, thanks for taking it. Be good to yourselves : )
Copyright Roxx Hunter 2018.